Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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