at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
