Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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