Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
