im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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