These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
