I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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