Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
