If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so let's talk penis.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
