Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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