I forgot how hot balto sounded
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
