I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
