Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
