Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
