I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
