I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
bring money and cleavage
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
