I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
