I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
