Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
