If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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