does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
