first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sext me about skeletons
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
