Barsexuality is the new black.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
