im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
