i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
