Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
