**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
