just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
