you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
