Kiss
Puke
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i was born a porn star she said
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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