I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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