Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
