i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
