atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
