Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I need a burrito and a hug.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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