I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
