Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Everyone says I win the strip club
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
