You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
