Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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