I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
