Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
