I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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