I love black thongs
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
