did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
