i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
