I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
