I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
