Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
