i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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