just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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